I haven’t been so good about keeping up with posts on my own blog, but wanted to add something here.
Just a recap…
Elle and family have been dealing with a lot this last week. Since everything that went down with their last therapist, F, there’s been some discussion regarding the willingness to consider another therapist. One of the discussions led to the topic of two new personalities that have developed since the blow up with F. There’s been talk about who is active, who is dormant, etc.
Quinn discovered that there are a couple people in the family that think her role is no longer needed and there was a suggestion that she be “kept” somewhere. This is what made Quinn decide to contact her father, their main abuser (HIM). To Quinn, though, HE is not an abuser, but instead her loving father, the cop hero. As many of you know, not all of the insiders within a DID family experience their life as being traumatic. For Quinn, she has no recollection of abuse. Those that think she hasn’t an important role don’t understand that her role is one of the most important – she can function when those overwhelmed with PTSD cannot.
Since the call last week, things have been in chaos inside and out. Precautions have been put in place and no one will be responding to any contact he attempts to make. Needless to say it’s been a very frightening few days. When they are ready, they will begin posting again. Thanks to those of you who have checked in. We appreciate your patience and understanding and concern.
Hugs to all of you, hang in there.
Agreed, mental hugs to all, and please encourage everyone that no one goes away unless they chose to. No one can force someone else out of the group. For us Dolly/MOM chose to go to sleep and it has been better for everyone but no one encouraged or told her to. Tell Quinn she did what she believed to be right, as I told her she is the eternal optimist. “Things will be different this time”… again I am sorry she was proved wrong. We all need someone who was not abused, we all need someone with the capacity to love our abusers, that is the only way we can begin to forgive them for being what they are (abusers, weak and incapable of breaking abuse cycles, monsters…fill in the blank). Only by forgiving them can we be free of the emotional hold the abuser keeps on our mind and heart.
We come from generational abuse on both sides, while I can never forgive them for what they did I am learning to forgive them for not being able to break their bondage of abuse. Abusers don’t just get born that way, it is taught. Please let Quinn know I hurt for her, I know she is catching a lot of heat for what she did. But she needed to call, and one day she will learn and come to accept that we have to cut all ties to those who hurt us so the others can heal and feel safe even if it means giving up the abuser we love. That is why abuse from family members is so very terrible.
May all the Good and Glorious Spirits support and lift you all up.
Thank you Ben for the update. I am worried about Quinn and Rinoa and Elle and all the family. When one is hurting the ripple effect goes to everyone. I really like what Abby & Ents wrote. I can add that there was a lot of fear for my youngest since she was the secret keeper she was afraid that I wouldn’t want her around after she told her secrets. I learned that the parts of myself are like parts of my body. I need all the parts to be whole. Sometimes one of the parts does not get as much use but all are still needed to be whole. I am sorry that everyone is having such a tough time. My struggles go up during the holidays because there are so many triggers. Sending hugs and good thoughts. Please keep your family safe.
Thinking of you. Take so much care, each and every one of you.
Thanks Ben, we’ve been concerned. We love Quinn and none of us want her gone. She’s really important, and she’s our friend. I hope she doesn’t feel unwanted.
We love you too, you take care of our friends.
I love the way you explained how Quinn will always be important, Ben. I am thinking about everyone, and hope you can tell them that I send everyone hugs… And take one for yourself too, Ben.
Thanks for the update Ben!